Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Post 37

Catwalk




Lights up on three male construction workers sitting on a wall or girder or something. They are eating their lunches.

ROSCO [to FRANK]
See, the nice thing about working in this neighborhood is your lunch break turns into quite the little parade.

BARRY
Yeah, the salary may not be great, but the “fringe benefits” [he makes the quote marks around while holding his sandwich] are a pretty sweet deal.

FRANK
I gotcha; the trim is nice, then?

ROSCO
Oh my goodness, you should see the skirts that come through this way. Hubba hubba!

ROSCO and BARRY start a cartoonish series of wolf-whistles and expressions of desire. FRANK laughs along with them. ROSCO stops abruptly as a woman enters and crosses the stage.

ROSCO
Woah boys, look at what we have here!

BARRY
Sweet Criminy, take a look at that neckline!

ROSCO
Baby, it’s a good thing my imagination ain’t hungry, because that skirt is leaving nothing to it!

BARRY
I feel like I gotta pay whoever made that top, o wow!

FRANK
Yeah, baby, shake those cans!

BARRY [horrified]
Woah, Frank, what’s the matter with you?!

ROSCO
Our apologies ma’am, this man does not speak for us.

The woman exits. BARRY and ROSCO turn on a confused FRANK.

ROSCO
Geez, you’re a pig!



FRANK
What’d I do?

BARRY
Frank, you were a real asshole to that lady.

FRANK
I was just joining in!

ROSCO
Never mind that, here comes another one! You mind your manners this time, new guy.

Another woman enters and crosses the stage in the same manner.

BARRY
Ooh sweetheart, those hiphugger jeans are giving me the sweats!

ROSCO
Lose the blouse, baby, and let’s take a look at the goods underneath!

BARRY
Yeah baby, what kind of panties you got on? They got a lacy trim around them? You got hipsters on? Tangas? Control briefs? I’m dying here!

FRANK
Yeah, let’s see that butt, sugar!

BARRY
Wow, you chauvinist. Why don’t you just chop her up like so much meat?

ROSCO
Please lady, pay no attention to this chowderhead. He's got a head full of chowder.

The woman exits. Again, ROSCO and BARRY turn on FRANK.

ROSCO
You keep this up, Frank, and I’m gonna report you to the foreman.

FRANK
I’m sorry guys, I don’t understand!

BARRY
You're a real piece of work, insulting the fine women of our city.

FRANK
I’m only doing what you guys are doing!

ROSCO
Don’t try to put us on your level; we’re not objectifying these beautiful ladies.

BARRY
Speaking of beautiful, check out the wardrobe coming our way!

A third woman walks across the stage in the same manner as the first two. During the sequence of catcalls, FRANK catches on.

ROSCO
Ooh baby, pull that braided belt a little tighter and I might choke!

BARRY
I know that’s Dolce’s spring line, but you’re making it feel like summer out here, pumpkin! [He fans himself with his sandwich.]

ROSCO
Ooh I can see that Victoria’s Secret bra strap! Oof, tell me it’s a shelf bra! Tell me it’s a shelf bra!

BARRY
I wanna bury myself in those pleats, sweetie!

ROSCO
I see you working those cinched sleeves with the lacy fringe.

BARRY
God musta invented a new type of neckline just for you!

FRANK
Yeah baby, those heels are fierce! I see you struttin in those Jimmy Choos!

The woman exits. BARRY and ROSCO are uncomfortable. Beat.

FRANK
What?

BARRY
Are you gay, Frank?

ROSCO
You can tell us.

Blackout.

No comments:

Post a Comment