Now here's a little story I've got to tell
About three right-wingers you know so well
It started way back in history
With Paul Ryan, Adelson, and me - Romney
Had a horsey named Rafalca for financial gain
Just me and my horsey and a job at Bain
Stuck in a quagmire, because of who I fired
Didn’t want the blame – retroactively retired
One lonely Romney I be
All by myself without nobody
The campaign is beating down on my Touch of Gray
The polls are gettin' hot, I’m not sure what to say.
Lookin' for a mate I ran into a guy
His name is Paul Ryan, I said, "Howdy" he said, "Hi"
He told a little story that didn’t sound legit
Seven terms in Congress and he’s looking to quit
The hour was at hand, I lacked a running mate
His voice was hoarse, he whispered “I can guarantee my state”
He said, "Can it be me?"
I said “let’s wait and see.”
Had a chance to leave
He denied my reprieve
He was quick to the point, I thought I was trapped
He put his face up next to mine and this is what he rapped,
"Now my name is Paul Ryan and I hate the urban poor
I think you know your polling sucks it’s time for something more
Now what do we have here: a Mormon with gay fear;
I’ll help you out and raise your clout: I make myself clear?"
We stepped into the wind, in chilly Wisconsin,
You think this campaign's over but it's ready to begin
"Now I got the looks, you got the dough
You got two choices of how this will go
It's not a tough decision as you can see
You can lose the Christian fundie’s or you’ll run with me"
I said, I'll run with you if you can sway the middle classes
The left is blasting me for what I did to the masses
I did it for fun, I did it for sport
I even hoped that they would self deport
So I'm getting burned, they want my returns
And right about now it's time to let them yearn.
The King Romney that is my name
And I know this fly guy who can fund our campaign."
We flew to Vegas in a private jet
The beat was vanilla and the girlies? Upset.
This dude was staring like he knew all our thoughts
We took the empty spot next to him at the slots
Paul Ryan said, "Yo, you know this robber baron?"
I said, "I didn't." but it became apparent
The dude said, "Get ready cause this ain't funny
My name's Sheldon A. and I have too much money."
Pulled out his wallet put it in my hand
He yelled, "Pander to me!" to make sure I’d understand
Funding uproar was being incited
Sheldon bit back by citing Citizen’s United
"I'm Sheldon A. and I get respect
Corporate tax breaks is what I expect"
Paul Ryan was with it and he's my mate
So I said I’d fight for DOMA and a flat tax rate
Don’t Ask Don’t Tell is back, the job growth stopped
We used to have health care, but that got dropped.
This is just a scary and yet cautionary note
But Mitt will take the White House, unless you vote.