Sunday, September 9, 2012

Game of Owns

Open on The Wall. JEOR MORMONT and 3-FINGER HOBB stand looking out at the North.

HOBB: Getting colder, my lord.

JEOR: Aye. If we don't put more men on the wall, the rest of the realm will feel it too. We can't possibly hold off an invasion of windings, let alone what might happen if the rumors are true.

HOBB: Are the dead walking again, m'lord?

JEOR: I don't know, Hobb. But you need only concern yourself with cooking for the men - leave the politics to me.

PIPP enters at a run. He kneels, then stands.

PIPP: Lord Mormont! We've received a raven from Florent House.

JEOR: Excellent! Perhaps Yoren has convinced these southren lord to cough up a few good men.

PIPP: Well, no, m'lord. It is but a single word: "First."

JEOR: "First"?

PIPP: That's all it says, Lord Mormont.

PIPP exits.

JEOR: Hobb, can you make any sense of this?

HOBB: No, m'lord. Perhaps Lord Florent wished to inform you that he will be the first to send reinforcements.

JEOR: But why would he just say "first"?

PIPP enters.

PIPP: Another raven, m'lord, this one from the Greyjoys. It says..."The Wall sux." and "sux" is misspelled.

JEOR: What?? Curse these southron lords - have they no respect for the men that guard their way of life?

HOBB: Why would they write us to display their apathy? Why not keep silent?

PIPP: Worry not, m'lord; Stark house has sent a reply. [reads] "The Wall does not suck. It is Florent House that sucks. And Florent House is not well versed in letters if they cannot even spell their slights."

JEOR: I am glad of the Starks' support, but we would be better served if they sent men.

A raven flies in and lands on PIPP's shoulder. Ravens will periodically come in and land on PIPP's shoulder.

PIPP: A message from the Tullys! [reads] "This Wall is just another government money hole, the Iron Throne is corrupt and failing, send me a raven for the truth!"

JEOR: The Others take this nonsense!

PIPP: from the Greyjoys again! "We did not know that Stark House was named Protector of the Realm's Grammar. Please accept our apologies, douchebags." It seems this raven was meant for the Starks.

HOBB: Why do they use us as a forum to talk to each other? Can they not send ravens to one another directly?

JEOR: The white walkers are coming! Will no one come to our aid?

PIPP: This raven has no name. "I know very few will read this. I am a small unheralded knight trying to create my own wall. It is hard to get exposure in this realm so I hope someone will come and visit my wall. All support is welcome!"

JEOR: They cannot use our Wall for spam!

HOBB: They seem to be doing so regardless, m'lord.

JEOR: Tell them to stop leaving stupid comments on our Wall!

PIPP: A letter from the Baratheons! "The Iron Throne is not corrupt - the Tullys are wacko conspiracy theorists"

HOBB: It matters not when we all perish to the cold!

PIPP: from the Lannisters: "This Wall is great! We saw it ourselves at"

JEOR: Enough!

The room is overrun with white walkers and others that slaughter everyone. The ravens leave squawking. One more raven flies in. In its hand is a note from the Florents: "LOL Gay."